Our girls were adopted at ages 9 & 12 1/2 yrs., so our work of instilling ‘assurance’ began right away, and continues to this day. Here are some of my/our thoughts and practices.

1) Hubby and I have purposed to NOT refer to or introduce our daughters as our “adopted daughters”. We do–when necessary–share that we adopted our daughters, but they are not our “adopted daughters”. This, I believe, would be even more important in a family with bio. children.

2) Even with the early language barrier we TALKED about adoption! We talk about their early life experiences, we talk about their bio. families (and strive to help them put those experiences in line with God’s sovereignty), we talk about God adopting us as His VERY own. We work hard to highlight the examples of adoption in scripture. We strive to make these conversations very natural and matter-of-fact, never shameful.

3) We freely talk about the material things that will be passed on to them as members of our family–heirlooms, treasures, photos, etc. They will inherit it all–want it or not! Ha! :-)

4) Like most adoptive families, we watch for and point out our similarities–weaknesses and strengths! Our preferences, our likes and dislikes, our personalities and character qualities–good and bad! :-)

5) And, of course, we can’t underestimate the value of pointing out that they enjoy the same blessings we enjoy–safe home, plenty of food, fun events together, warm clothing, etc.

6) We make a point of touching (hugs, pats, pokes, etc.) often. “Good night” rituals, “Good-bye” rituals, etc. All those build a sense of ‘belonging’.

7) Pet names/nicknames that they like–we’ve tried some that they don’t care for, so we dropped ‘em!

8) We openly discuss the various sacrifices we made and continue to make for them–not in a condemning way, but a matter of fact way (i.e. drive older cars, live in smaller home, take simple vacations, buy inexpensive clothing, etc.) I realize this can be taken too far either way, but it is a facet of understanding sacrifice and/or dieing to self.

9) We learned as much of their language as possible, and focused on the ‘caring/nurturing’ phrases, esp. “I love you” which was not a common phrase in their world!

I’ll stop there, and look forward to reading comments from others!